Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don't Know
by Gladwell, Malcolm
Published: September 10, 2019
Read: January 1, 2020
Review
Malcolm Gladwell is a pretty incredible writer and this book was super engaging and enjoyable. But, I think the best summarization of this book is [some pop culture event] "and this reveals something very deep about the human psyche". This is a pop culture masterpiece referencing many of the timely crimes in the news from Cuban spies, Amanda Knox, to police killings. Large claims made with mainly anecdotal evidence and sometimes questionable science. For example, he supported the claim that meeting criminals face to face resulted in worse bail terms with an AI that got better results by just using criminal records. AI with tons of data and individual judge decisions aren't a good comparison. One questionable chain of logic about a topic I actually know about makes me question all the other claims. But, really fun read with fascinating perspectives.
Notes
Intro step out of the car
Black lives matter with high profile cases of black people being arrested and killed.
Encounters in 1600s, were with neighbors you knew for decades with known patterns. Strangers like conquistadors were very different. Cortes talked through two translators. A shipwreck Spanish monk knew Mayan, and another local women knew Mayan and the Aztec language. Cortes heard an almost Aztec surrender, but Aztec often call themselves weak and praise the other to draw attention to their own strength so perhaps he was actually requesting a Spanish surrender.
This book is about why we are so bad at this translation of culture.
During the cold war, a Cuba intelligence agencies defected and told America that almost their entire roster of Cuban agents was double agents. When Fidel found out, he paraded them across the country and released a documentary about the CIAS against Cuba filming almost everything the CIA had been doing in Cuba for over 10 years. Great audio and close ups of detailed explanations of signals and tools. The us was fucking shocked. Floritena. Counterintelligence job is to study the intelligence operations looking for deception. Cia also had horrible betrayal in east Germany and Russia at headquarters. Why can't we tell when stranger in front of us is lying to our face?
Chapter 2 getting to know the first
Stalin, FDR never met Hitler. Charbrlin met in person, Hitler looks entirely undistinguished. Hitler said he would seize Surdenland and that was all he wanted. Not scared to start world war. He believed him, one of biggest mistakes of war. We believe information gotten from personal conversation is uniquely valuable. Halifax, royal elite, spent 5 days in Germany and almost mistook Hitler for coatboy. Decided he was open to peace. Churchill called it the stupidest thing that ever done. Those who were right about Hitler didn't met him, and those who were wrong talked to him for hours.
Judges judge people face to face and Rap sheet and say how much bail is. Assume better to meet face to face.
Ai was 25% better. Ai top 1% as very likely to commit crime were released by humans at 47% rate. Ai just from age and rap sheet. Orchestra hire better if play beyond screen because how they look is irrelevant. Violent mental health worst for bail. How can we be worse judges when we meet them?
Illusion of asymmetric insight. We have insight in other people that they don't have for ourselves. We are nusisanced but stranger easy. Strangers are not easy. Study of word associations fill in the blank like ..ter can be water or hater. People say they are just words for themselves, but for other peoleit part of their cmpeitive or social nature etc.
Cuban agents tried to spin a story that the us was warned an attack on a passenger plane the day before. Made the attack a story of incompetence. The girl who planned the meeting, rising start was a Cuban spy. Adlridgr Ames was worst spy. Girl had codes in her purse. Paid sabbatical in Cuba. Thought she was the best Cuban anayltist. Montez, her boyfriend was CIa intelligence.
Simple experiment. Trivia game with cash prize and a partner. Interviewer leaves and partner says the answers were probably left in that envelope and they could the money. 30% of time they do cheat. Average of identifying liars are 56%. Truth default theory. Much better than chance at truth, and worse at lies. Way more false positives. People need a trigger to disbelieve.
Milgram experiment, you must go on. 65% have max shocks. But these experiments are so contrived, they believe the experimenter. All it takes is one liar to hold it a little longer. 40% doubted shocks were real. You believe some one because you don't have enough don't.
Chapter 4 holy fool
Bernie Madoff. Previous year a firm was suspicious, his family was auditor and in firm. Looked at his supposed trade and could find no record of the volume needed. But they only removed half their money. You just assumed someone was paying attention.
Markipolous thought 20% of firms were lying on financial statements. Accountants are incompetence on good day. .4 of healthcare is fraud or waste. Holy fool, an outcast socially awk who knows the truth. Thinks about possibility of deception. Going with truth is the odds. What are chances Madoff is pulling biggest financial fraud in history. Holy fool doesn't go with odds. What we get for deception are effective communication and social coordination, even if we fall for lies. Not everyone can be holy fool. But markipolous went to great lengths(disguise, no fingerprints) to get info to people in charge, but distrusted the people in charge everyone was investigating. At end, he thought SEC would be after him with all his evidence of their incompetence or wiling compliance.
Chapter 5 case study, boy in shower.
Penn State. Over 10 years. Naser gymnatistics coach, there was a pelevic massage done through the vagina for hard to reach areas and he would do it often even while mom's were in the room. 14 people in authority notified. Nothing happened for 18 years. Some were even mother's. This isnt because of some conspiracy of institutions. If daughters had said he had alcohol on breath or was rude, the parents would take that seriously. But literally molesting girls in the same room as their parents is so impossible to believe. Women defended him too even til the last day after revelations of child hope. Meyers with Sandesky first said he was the boy in the shower and nothing had ever happened and the man was like a father. Within a week, he said he was abused multiple times and on the stand said I don't recall 34 times including to who was in the picture and when it was taken of him and S at his wedding. People invite this man to their wedding and happily visit him years later.
Penn State president told his staff he considered them family and would always defend them when they thought they were doing the right thing. He lead it very successfully We think we want authorities to question strangers, but do we.
Transpency
Friend fallacy. Could easily follow friends with sound off because of facial expressions. Facts(facial movements of muscle). Every emotion is on the face. Face is billboard of heat and Darwin calls it important evolution thing. Judge needs to see face for court of law why else would we shooting so much time looking at face. So why do judges do worse than computers when they can see. Winning and masturbating don't end with joy you can see on face. In other trobajans, show happy face only 50% of child recognized it and scared face is thought to be someone trying to scare.
Not even within a culture. Scenario where you enter a room from a hallway great a story then when you exit room back to hallway, it's not a large dimly lit room with you friend on a red chair in the center looking solemn. Everyone said they were surprised, but only in <10% did you have the jaw drop eyes wide. They thought it was on their face though cuz media. Face just noise. Judge: Not seeing face would make hard decisions easier, but they need to be human. Humanity means we must have a huge room for error. Necessary fsilures.
Amanda Kno
Italy countryside, brutal murder of half naked young girl. Her boyfriend did it. But Knox her roommate and knoxs boyfriend were convincted and only declared innocent 7 years later. Never any real evidence against them. Fbi agents, judges, students correctly identify liars 54%>. People actually are way more likely to discover a lie afterwards. Judge honestly based on demeaner, confident is believable, nervous if not. Gaze aversion is best clue to lie, but this is nonsense. Being sincere and looks sincere, all about the match. Madoff interviewed and guy thought he was either legit or a complete sociopath. Amanda was cold after death. Sympathetic and she was angry. Weirdness. Prosecutor determined guilt by looking at knox, completely inexplicable reaction. Literal quote from police report. Experienced integrators got every matched person (emotion vs reality). Sincere liars got abysmal 14%>. We punish people who don't fit our stupid idea of transpency. Amanda: " there was no trace of me in that room, but you are trying to judge based on my eyes. These are my eyes not evidence."
Fraternity party. Brock Turner freshman was on top of motionless women with panties down and one breast out. Challenge is reconstructing consent. Clearly difficult for men and women in moment." Task of inferring
sexual intent from behavior is basically a coin flip". How can we ask people to respect boundaries if we don't know what they are". All stories start with young women and men meet at party, misinterpret intentions and their drunk. People vs Turner only have Turner's account cuz all friends drunk. Constent law doesn't work if drunk person is so out of it they can't be aware of what's happening. So how drunk was she, she doesn't remember. He ran though. He fingered her and got intent to commit rape and sexual assault of unconscious person.
Bolivia, drink every Saturday night. Circle, rum, host drinks half, gives half glass to someone and they repeat it. It was awful drink. When people got too drunk just pass out on the ground until they wake up. They use lab alcohol 90% and 180 proof. Saturday until Sunday. No social pathology, no sexual assault or aggression. So many behaviors around the world for alcohol, with rituals. In Mexico study, drunk causes agrresoin in men under 30 and the opposite in men over. If we are following these rituals, then alcohol shouldn't be thought of as a disinhibition but myopia. Myopia is to narrow emotional and mental field of vision. Short sighted immediate experience higher effect on emotion and behavior. Long term ideas fade away. So drinking puts you in mood of environment. Idea that you get the real you of dishibition, but we are giving up some of our character. Drink lets you create your environment. Uk, convicted even though she removed her own trousers and30 minutes of foreplay. Planning and competing conference, cerebellum affects balance, hippocampus doesn't matter how emotional something is, creates gaps. Everything else can be normal, but blacked out. People drink especially women way more than before. 1 in 2 of drinkers report blackout in survey of Duke
Students. Gap closed, women much more risky. Drinking on empty stomach increased effect by third. Drinking more more it more likely to commit sexual assault. Worst environment to drink is sexual frat party. Doe was scarred, couldn't sleep at night for 3 months, like went to sleep at 6am.
Lessons: what happens when stranger a terrorist
Highest level alkida terrorist, cared about econmies of scale for killing. Told his interrogator what question to ask. When is recommended waterboarding, the recommenders and lawyers did it. Doesn't feel you like you are dying but that you might like on edge of cliff. They didn't do it in training because 100% effective in training. Heavily effects their memory, 20 of 50 soldiers thought the doctor tortured them. Torture affects memory, the man admited to over 50 terrorist plots were they real though.
Poets have 5x the suicide rate of normal population. Plath. Carbon monoxide poisoning was 44% of suicide in Britain. Just cover face and leak in gas. But then gas changed to safer natural gas. Would they do it anyway it is it access at particular time? It goes much higher when it was added, requires little preparation and was painless without a mess. And then drops when taken away. 50% drop for women. We act as if method irrelevant. Handguns are leading cause of suicide. 10k in America saved if give banned potentially. SF bridge didn't even put up suicide barrier until 2018. Most people believe it's not coupling and they will do another more dangerous way.
We don't understand importance of context in which people operate. Often crime on single street. 3.3% of city blocks is 50% of crime. Across the world. Sex worker would rather switch careers than change location. Establish reputation, comfortable, friends, people who will call police known. Car exhaust way less lethal now
Do patrols matter. Study for a year said it makes nooo difference. Talking to everyone in neighbor and giving them hotline got barely any calls. Search and seizure is very relaxed for traffic violations. So just put two police cars in area stop any suspicious cars which you can for any reason really. Use traffic violations to search for gun and drugs. You can even stop people for reasonable suspected traffic violations. So they just consificated any guns, and crime dropped by half. Kansas City. The rest of the country just learned to be more aggressive and do more traffic stops, not more aggresive in the right location. Proactive policing, avoid charges of race discrimination by pulling over anyone for minor infractions. The man who pulled over Sandra Bland(for not signalling a turn putting her jail for being rude which she committed suicide in her cell), pulled over 3 people in the previous 30 minutes for other minor infractions. Proactive cops assume suspicion. Tsa agent would do their job and would be expected to never see a gun, so of they see one probably a mistake. Police manual basically says to judge people based on emotion, eye contact etc. Ferguson started for a police killing, but really years of the police department being pushed to do aggresive proactive policing. Kansas City knew it was a trade off goign for specific neighborhoods at night.
Don't penalize for defaulting to truth, parents whose child is abused and president's who don't assume worst of their people. Cost of getting someone to talk and preventing horrible crimes.