Toxic Idea #3: Work vs Play

“Work hard play hard”

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy””

When I was a child, my parents and teachers used play as a reward for doing things I didn’t want to do like homework or chores. Punishment meant forcing me to do more work instead of going out to play. So I learned there was a clear distinction between work and play.

Work is a tedious and boring chore that everyone needs to do in exchange for what they actually want: play. Play is everything fun, relaxing, and voluntary. If we need to do it, then it isn’t playing. Play may be a little bad for us. But we need it to relax, unwind, and actually enjoy life.

“I deserve to relax”

Holidays and large accomplishments became earned time for excess. Bags of candy, binging TV, gaming marathons, and shooting shit with friends became cornerstones of how I defined happiness and relaxation. Going to the gym, reading a book, or learning about finance was much too productive to be playing.

“I earned this after working so hard”

Instead of my mother nagging me to do my work so I can go play, I began telling myself. Work became something to be minimized and bargained with. I needed freedom.

The plan becomes clear: get an education, work an easy job from age 20 to 65, retire, and then a life of endless vacation and play. And if I work extra hard and live frugally, then I can RETIRE EARLY. Europe, free time, and mojitos here I come.

But as I got to college, play began to feel increasingly repetitive and empty. Looking back over my life prioritizing play, I was just not happy. However, when I started some project driven by curiosity and ambition, I had some of my most fulfilling moments. Sure starting the project was painful and really most of it was, but the challenge and feeling of progress and accomplishment were very rewarding. My dream of a life of endless vacation and free time started seeming more boring and empty.

Nothing has improved my productivity as much as this shift in thinking.

My entire life I had lived with this false binary between work and play. But, I began to look beyond these general categories and see the underlying elements of the activities. How much value does it bring? Does it make me happy in the short term? In the long term? What mental state does this cause? Will I remember this? Can I get better at this? How does this compare to other similar activities?

Playing video games is extremely fun, but also extremely stressful and distracting. Letting my mind wander by walking to class with music lets me reflect and relax. Reading about investment strategies is useful and interesting. Binging TV is addictive for a completionist like myself, but I gain very little value. Coding requires large blocks of time and energy but is professionally valuable and fulfilling. Hanging with friends can be either a repetitive waste of time or an unforgettable social experience depending on the activity.

Through this new lens, I assess each activity for a much more nuanced view of value. Some activities like TV and video games are just not worth it. And some that make money, I would actually do in my free time like coding or writing. When I need to relax, instead of automatically shifting to something inherently unproductive, I could go to the gym or buy groceries.

Now I do more things that others consider productive and tedious work, but I consider valuable and fun. I strive to find more valuable ways to relax which really just means more things I like doing. Nothing has improved my productivity as much as this shift in thinking.